If you're the type who waits for people's validation or applause before you celebrate yourself;
you constantly look over your shoulder at the crowd to see if they are nodding in approval or giving supportive glances and nudges here and there;
you solicit support indirectly before you can take a bold step to believe in yourself;
you want to hear people tell and reassure you that you're beautiful or handsome...
I'm afraid you may not go very far in life. You need to STOP!
This is life: Even when you have something excellent and worth celebrating people could make you feel really bad and ashamed of it.
I was a very tall and lanky kid; from my nursery school days up till secondary school. I was taller than most kids around me. My peers emphatically. I felt awkward whenever we lined up at the assembly ground. I constantly tried changing and switching positions as the line got longer so I end up at the back. Because I was too tall so I felt the front row was not meant for me. A taboo, if you may.
I felt bad for being too tall. People around me both old and young made me feel very bad except my parents. They teased and laughed and chided me for growing too fast and 'long'.
'Taller', they called.
'Why are you so tall'? They queried.
'You're too tall'. They complained.
I didn't realise I had a very good thing. Something to be proud of. Something to be appreciated. I hated myself. I was so mad at God.
I remember those nights when I'd be complaining to my childhood best friend Caroline during one of our numerous night calls, that when I grew up and made enough money, I'd go for a surgery. A surgery to reduce the length of my legs. I needed her to reassure me that that was possible. But she kept telling me I was perfect the way I was and she loved me.
I remember once when mum bought a pair of silver coloured heels for me to use for a wedding train; I took them to the cobbler to help cut off part of the heels. Mum had no idea. Even after almost damaging the shoe in the name of cutting it, I still couldn't summon courage to wear it. I later gave it out.
I was never born timid. As a very little child I was almost hyperactive. But as I grew into my height and teenage days I began to withdraw into my shell as the world seemed quite harsh for little girls who grew too tall for their age. I developed self esteem issues. I became very timid. Always hiding in the back and looking for a crowd to get lost in.
It began to affect my posture. In public places most especially in church, I'd bend and slant my legs backwards to avoid looking so conspicuous. Mean people still spotted me.
I can go on and on.
As I grew I realised I had a priceless gift. Something heels can't give you without hurting your feet and toes. I began to appreciate my height. I developed very sarcastic and mean auto responses to anyone who tried to tease me that I was too tall. I was clapping back with pride. I really did feel proud.
I can never trade my position. Not for anything. And Man! Will I love to marry a tall, dark-Skinned guy so I can bear me some tall black and beautiful kids. I need to watch a mini me grow. I'll teach them to be proud of who they were created to be.
Hey! This is not to make anyone below my chin feel bad. It's just a reminder that you should celebrate yourself. Believe in yourself. You owe yourself that. The world may take too long to recognise your awesomeness. You'll have to show it to them. Make them stop and listen.
Never allow the value you place on yourself or ideas be determined by the applause you get from the world. You just may fall off that yardstick.
Gloria Edem
@Pennitt
Photo credit: pin interest.
